FuelFools

This blog is closed and archived

2008-02-27T09:43:00.008+13:00

It's time to face facts and put up a final post to officially close this blog.

It seems a long time ago, but it is really only three years since we launched this blog outta Bingsland. Despite the Sid Snot-like attitude in the first post, the aim was to give us somewhere to continue and extend conversations we had in our car pool, during the long drive out to the Company in the country.

So where has everyone gone?

Well, Auntay has become a Mum-ay ('on yer!) but will back to the crayons again soon.
Wordgirl has had a little full-stop (bewty mate!) and intends to mince words in other areas.
Mapguy is off the map (rumour has it he fights fires now) and has recently built a new abode.
Bramblerose Sandybanks is still rambling out to the Company (look for her in the stacks) but we have no idea how.
And I'm working to ease discomfort in the depths of local government knowledge (and maybe causing some too).

So that's it. This blog is now officially closed. We'll leave it here for posterity, and a warning to others, for as long as Blogger exists.

Apparently around 40% of blogs on the web are no longer being updated. Having achieved so much, our blog has now become a statistic and joins the world-wide archive of random remarks.

Our thanks go to the fuel companies, Blogger, the Company, and the music industry. Thanks for the ride.

Maybe we'll see you on different road somewhere...

This blog...is coming like a ghost-town

2007-11-15T11:03:00.000+13:00

Meanwhile...

2007-07-16T21:13:00.000+12:00

World Pinhole Camera Day

2006-05-03T12:47:00.000+12:00

Phew!
It's been and gone, the last sunday of April every year is World Pinhole Camera Day

Barking Mad?

Maybe, the lowest of low tech simplicity is the appeal

Just light + film = image

After last years abortive effort I'd got my shit together, sussed out what went wrong and had another crack at it. I'm trying to use the multi-shot capacity of a disposable camera rather than having to arse around changing film in a darkened closet.

Films being developed now, all will be revealed......................

In the mean time check out the world wide gallery

Things in the building have reached an all time low

2006-04-04T16:00:00.000+12:00

Yes folks after a long period of time some of us decided enough was enough- this email was recently sent around the office

The ladies' toilet:

I'm surprised that there is a need to even contemplate sending an email like this, but things have come to a head in the ladies toilets!!!
**** kindly provided us with a nice toilet brush for each cubicle, and today I was warned against going into the window side cubicle, chiefly due to a mysterious person's dislike of using such an implement. It's scarey - be afraid; be very afraid.

It is not the first time that this has happened, but is the frightening. If it was the men's loo, I would be less surprised!!!

That's it - hope you're not offended, but felt that matters had to be taken in hand. It's not fair on your colleagues, or the poor cleaner.

More cartoon tomfoolery

2006-03-30T12:34:00.001+12:00

It's nice to see the Aussies are prepared to publish cartoons taking the piss out of themselves.

In a similar way the muslim cartoon debacle could have been deflated by taking ownership to the offending items.

Oh, what's that - the aussies aren't owning up to it?

Oops!

So long and good riddance

2006-03-30T12:11:00.000+12:00

The world will be a safer place with the announcement of the death of Caspar Whine-and-cheese-burger, the out of control defence secretary of the Reagan administration.

To call this man a megalomaniac would be a gross understatement, the man was in charge of $US6 Billion A WEEK of defence expenditure during peacetime while he was US Defence secretary, a grand total of more than $US 1 Trillion!

The architect of the potentially apocalyptic Star Wars program SDI, $US 50 Billion later still not operational, could well have brought about the end of our planet as we know it. To credit him with helping to bring about the end of the Soviet Bloc is simply bollocks, he would much rather have blown it apart.

One thing to come out of all this is the Global Positioning System (GPS) the positional framework of Star Wars that has changed to way we navigate inside our world. The Mapguy is surprised that geospatial people have not blogged about the significance of this already.

Is that worth 1 Trillion? Maybe

Good riddance to one of the world's most dangerous men.

Auntay sells out

2006-03-21T15:23:00.000+12:00

Auntay has sold her soul to Richard Hammond. Yes, he of Top Gear fame.

Rumours are that Richard turned up in Lincoln in his new Porsche 911 Carrera and Auntay promptly through away her engagement ring and leapt over the side of the vehicle, into the driver's seat, shoving poor Richard into the passenger seat.

Away in the hills at last

2006-02-28T12:12:00.000+13:00

At last I've got away into the hills.

Away at the crack of 8am Barry and I did the now familiar trip across the great gravelly plain of the Waimakariri. We met Mark in Springfield, left his car at Claire and Jim's house and continued on to a layby through a rickety gate next to the Taipo.

Griffin creek hut from the Remote Huts website; photo: Mark Buckley 2004
A short roadbash of a couple of km's and then up Harrington Creek for the 800m grunt up to the scrubline. The track was thin in places but that set the standard for the enire trip.

There's a drought going on right now on the West Coast, all weekend we crunched rata leaves underfoot. A curious sound for west Coast trips. Nearing the top we surprised ourselves by catching up to a couple also sweating their way up the hill. They seemed particularly interested in how far we were from the top.

Barry's GPS didn't seem to want to talk to more than one satellite, I have no time for the things myself. I go to the hills to rely on my skill and instinct, not to depend on the trappings of technology that pervade my life, my profession makes sure of that. I assured them they were nearly at the top, but strangely we never saw them again.

If you weren't paying attention it would be easy to miss the turn off to Griffin Creek, maybe they got waylaid on the tops. The turn off is right on the scrubline so a quick detour is in order to get a view from a nearby knob. Ah, the view down the Taramakau is grand. The ocean looks inviting as there's no water up here to drink, unless you count the scoty old water barrel at the turn off.

As we started down a karearea Falco novaeseelandiae silently assumed position on a dead spar above us. And then a plunge down to the cool clear sparkling Griffin creek. Water, the best beveridge of all.

Pohangina Pete takes a way better Whio photo than I ever could, so we were content to just sit and watch a pair of them glide through the rapids. A little further up the river and this time three whio hopped up on a rock and watched us. Five in one trip is not a bad talley at all.

"I thought" Mark said "that blue ducks were supposed to be rare. How come we see them every time we go tramping?"
"Ah that's because we go places that other people rarely visit" I replied.

Griffin Creek hut is an easy boulder hop upstream, a standard four bunk forest service hut that has been adopted, strangely, by hippies at some point recently. Dream catchers hang by the window, an inflatable kiwi (!) sits on the bench and various hippy musings fill the hut book.

Sadly the hut book is only a couple of years old, a victim of that curious DoC policy of removing old hut books from their home of origin. I believe that their own hut is the best archive af all. The last visitors were three months ago.

The new Titanium gas stove ran like a dream. It's a 9000 BTU flamethrower i got from Bryan Dudley and it's a doozy. Because of my gross lack of fitness (pathetically) attributable to selling houses and owning a small child, I've adopted a lightweight tramping regime to be able to get away with it. My base pack weight is down to about 4.5 kg, with a weekend worth of food that's still way below the 10kg+ I'd usually carry. And what a differance it makes! Shoes instead of boots, a daybag size instead of a large sac. Many breaks I wouldn't bother to take my pack off, it's weight seems insignificant.

Mark had a bottle of Brew Moon lager, chilled in the Creek it made a superb apertif before a big feed of pasta and an early night.

Up and away at the crack of 9 the next day, so much for going to Scotty's biv (my orginal intention) and back down the track to the turn off to Rocky Creek. Again a thin trail, but not to hard to follow all the same. We seemed to fairly skip down to Rocky Creek Hut, and then we lunched in the river bed just downstream. Follow the river down till multiple permolats on two trees signal the start of the track and then away and out to the Taipo again. Cross the Taipo and up to the car, easy.

Soon we're gliding along at 100km/h, effortlessly climbing the Otira gorge to Arthur's Pass for a ice cream.
After another perfect weekend in the hills, the smell of a hot day fills the air at springfield.
Lactic legs, a head full of green, birds and rushing water.

It was the Pope!

2006-02-23T09:19:00.000+13:00

I mighta known! We (my wife and I) watched the SouthPark cartoon last night, and, as I expected, rumours of the rampant slaughter of Catholicism and women-kind were highly exaggerated.

Jesus and various other religious figures have appeared on the show before, only to be ridiculed completely. I don't recall such a fuss about those episodes.

As seems common nowdays, a lot of people have been making a fuss about something they have never seen. There's an irony about religious faith in there somewhere.

For a start, alcoholics would have far more reason to be "offended", especially Alcoholics Anonymous. It was a very funny piss-take of the whole "Hi I'm Fred, and I'm an alcoholic", the 12 steps thing, and convincing people they have a "disease" that can be cured.

For the benefit of those who didn't watch it, Stan's Dad is convinced by AA that he is an alcoholic, and hears that a statue of Mary has a stigmata - yep, that's right. The bleeding was a stigmata. And it was, quote, "from her arse" not from the front of the statue, which is where we expected to see it based on all the hype in the media. Stuff coming out of people's bottoms is a standard SouthPark joke, and yes it is juvenile, but if you don't like it, don't tune in.

Stan is not convinced his Dad is an alcoholic and tells him it is just a matter of willpower and all he needs to do is reduce his drinking a little. His Dad is brain-washed by the AA, and believing only a miracle will cure him, visits the statue and is blessed by a priest with the stigmata blood.

He is instantly cured, but it all turns to custard when the Pope arrives to check out the new miracle. He examines the arse blood and promptly declares, "Chicks don't bleed from the arse, it is menstrual blood, and therefore IS NOT A MIRACLE!" The fact it was still coming from the back of a statue escaped him.

So, it was a stigmata until the Pope declared it wasn't. And no-one thought it was menstrual blood, except him.

I mighta known!

Actually, what angers me the most about all this is Catholics making a fuss about something like this, when they should be out there helping the downtrodden and the poor, as Jesus told them to! If South Park was just ignored, as most people do, this would hardly have registered a glimer on the media rainbow. And yes I know one can't ignore everything supposedly bad or evil in the world, but SouthPark has pretty much had a full-on tilt at many things racial, sexual, and cultural in the world since it started, and the world would appear to be unharmed.

Most "church-going" Catholics I've met wouldn't know a poor person if they passed them in the street, but then most middle-class Catholics wouldn't be on that street. In my 41 years, I've only met a few who actually lived the message of Jesus, and show it through their actions, not their words. In fact, from my observations, most Christians do not get the message of Christ at all. If they did, there would be a whole lot less misery in the world.

One person told me recently that the Muslim cartoon thing has just raised the goal posts for every interest group now, and Catholics want their right to be offended too. Just what we need; another group of people out looking for a windmill to tilt at, instead of doing what their founding members would be doing if they were here - working to help the person in trouble next to them and improve the world for everyone.

What this all tells me is that the desire of Catholicism Inc. to control the way we think and express ourselves is really not a thing of the past century, and is only just beneath the rather thin skin of the Church.

I've got a message for all Catholics: stop being offended by stuff and go OUT THERE and HELP PEOPLE. That is the message of Christ.

Cartoonists to be rounded up

2006-02-07T08:00:00.000+13:00

Here's a link to the cartoon that has so upset the Muslim world:

Was not easy finding this; most people seem afraid to show it on their web site. Interesting that the web supposedly helps free speech, yet most people who would want to see this to a) find out if they should be offended, or b) find out what the fuss is about, would not be able to.

Does seem like a stupid thing to have done, but on the other hand, these seem pretty lame. Can't really see what the cartoonist thought they were doing.

'Course just doing a picture of Muhummad is apparently blasphemy, so there you go -- sufficient cause to start a world war most likely.

God I hate religion.

Comfy

Two-wheeled maniac

2006-01-27T11:32:00.000+13:00

So, this product will save me petrol, but not face.

I've cancelled my Vespa order, btw.

I friend has an electric one of these. Not sure if that makes it better or worse? Just kidding Josh!

Chinese discover the world?

2006-01-19T12:16:00.000+13:00

Stern stuff there from the Comfortmeister

But not unwarranted, I reckon.

On to matters cartographic: The Economist reports that a supposed ancient map suggests that the Chinese were first to explore the new world (not New World supermarkets dummy, the new world as opposed to the old world).

I was staggered by this statement:
"(though cartographers no longer doubt that Australia and New Zealand were discovered by Chinese seamen centuries before Captain Cook arrived on the scene)"

Er hello?
Get your facts correct Economist, this is absolutely not the case. I would have expected better from you!

The only possible explanation I can imagine for this outrageous statement is the book 1421, about which Michael King had this to say " ....his New Zealand section exhibits more false information and a more dishonest manipulation of evidence than any that I have encountered in a book issued by a reputable publisher. The book is, in short, a disgrace."

So there!

The MapGuy

A bright end to the year

2005-12-27T19:32:00.000+13:00

Is good to see the year end on a bright note: Kerry Packer is dead.

Kerry Packer was not a nice man. One could argue that's the sort of person one needs to be to be so rich and powerful. Maybe so, but notice I didn't say "successful" there? Looking at the history of the man, the many stories around about him and the way he did things, I'm not so sure he was a big success.

One doesn't have to spend much time reading stories about Packer to discover he did everything with fear and threats. It seems even the Australian Government trid to avoid conflict with him, afraid what he might do with all his power if they got on his wrong side.

Is strange, because it would appear that despite his huge control of global media organisations, there is only small evidence of him ever telling people in his media companies what to do or say. This compared to Murdoch, about whom there are countless tales of his manipulation of his own media chiefs, could make one think Packer was squeaky clean. Far from it.

Apparently, face-to-face, he was incredibly scarey and very intimidating. Anyone who showed any sign of resisting him or his plans, was often sucked into a personal meeting with him, where they were told "I'll bury you" if they didn't play ball.

I don't think we need people like this in the world. We had a century full of them in the 1900s and the sooner we leave such people and the way they did things behind us, the better the world will be.

Was Packer a big success? To me, he was just proof that wealth and power can't buy you good health and happiness. He always looked ill, and always looked like what he was: a right Aussie bastard.

Just another rich prick departs. Good ridence.

Comfy

Merry Christmas Fuelies

2005-12-23T15:03:00.000+13:00

As a Christmas pressie to ourselves, I've added a link on our site to Scott Adam's personal blog. A nice find. Enjoy.

Hope you all have a good Christmas, and a happy New Year.

Next year looks like being rather interesting for us all.

Comfy

Devastation for Fuelly Children

2005-11-30T12:10:00.000+13:00

An all staff email has just gone out at the Fuellies' Place Of Work, pertaining to the important topic of the Christmas Barbeque:

HO! Ho! Ho!

Unfortunately, Father Xmas has double booked this year and I need a 'stand-in' for Tuesday's Picnic please.

Please let me know if you would care to be Father Xmas for the picnic.

cheers and thanks
Santa's Little Helper

Is it true that Santa is not omnipresent? And speaking of presents... what happens if he's a no-show?

May I introduce Ruby

2005-11-25T22:50:00.000+13:00

The Comfy family continues to replicate, despite the best efforts of the first sprogg to put us off the idea.

Enter the world, Ruby. A petite, dark-haired wee girl, full-term and in good health.

You can visit her web site here.

Not much more to say at this stage. One brother with a nose slightly bent and missing his Mum, but otherwise no real harm caused. Long may it continue.

Comfy

Ruby

2005-11-25T10:35:00.000+13:00

Well, as you may have guessed from the previous post and comment, Ruby Comfort was born on Wednesday November 23. Dad Comfort hasn't officially announced this on the Fuellies site yet but he's been busy helping Ruby set up her own new web pages. We wouldn't expect anything other than a techno-baby to be be born to Mum and Dad Comfy and Ruby is starting early, as you would expect.

Mapguy, Bramblerose and I went to C1 on the way to work this morning to 'wet the baby's head' (with lattes to go, of course). Comfy, you'll be needing lots of caffeine in days to come, no doubt.

Comfort Child

2005-11-22T12:20:00.000+13:00

It's a mere 24 hours until the long awaited arrival of the comfort child.
What shall we call him or her?

I kinda liked Johnny Cash Comfort

Wordgirl has a more middle earth style take on things: Arwen, Viggo, etc

Something more topical may be Pania, to celebrate the reinstating of the lovely statue in Napier recently.

Whatever you decide to call your child, good luck. We'll be thinking of you both tomorrow Comfy

Rod Donald 1957 – 2005

2005-11-09T09:23:00.000+13:00

Many, many people have anecdotes about Rod that illustrate his warmth and engaging character (see the condolence book on the greens.org.nz website). In my days as a fresh young journo in the 90s Rod would frequently drop by my office at RNZ in the glamourous outpost of Greymouth, mainly for lunchtime chats. Once after a visit to see possum fur product production in South Westland he brought back some possum fur finger puppets – one for me, and three for his daughters. He kept in touch when I moved to head office in Wellington – even ringing me on my last day to say he’d miss hearing me! Last year, (living in Christchurch by now), I was roped into a fund-raising trivia night for the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom (WILPF) at a bizarre nautically-themed pub complete with crow’s nest and rigging. Rod was there, working the crowd. On spying me he immediately asked to join our team (we came third!) We won boxes of “Peace Tea”, handmade mugs, and home baking. An unexpectedly hilarious and unforgettable evening.

Rod seemed to me to be a true extrovert – outgoing, confident, but never egotistical, gaining energy from his focus on others. He seemed to boost morale wherever he went. I admired his political integrity and his superb people skills – to me he embodied the true spirit of the MMP system he helped establish – finding ways to work respectfully and constructively with those of differing political views to gain a better end – take note, Peter Dunne. Who can forget Rod’s brandishing the Tibetan flag, and campaigning against NZ Cricket’s tour of Zimbabwe – good on you Rod! Even the olds were proud.

Sincere condolences to Rod’s family, who shared him with the rest of us - and to the Greens – kia kaha, may the way forward, onwards and upwards become clear. Rod, we Fuelfools salute you in spirit as we conserve our resources through carpooling as we do! And as part of your legacy I like many others will continue to consider the political impacts of my purchases, and to reduce energy use and waste at home.

What's this guy making... hokey pokey biscuits?

2005-11-02T14:17:00.000+13:00

As I may have mentioned previously, being a non-scientist working at a science institute, I get to see some email requests that seem pretty strange (to me, at least). This one about baking soda?!! arrived around lunchtime today. Maybe he forgot his sammies and wanted to bake some muffins? (LOTS of muffins!) Maybe he was just wanting a rise?

Hi
Does anyone have 1 kg sodium bicarbonate S8875 for us to use urgently. I will replace it in due course when our order arrives.
With thanks
Ron.

Rodney at his "best"...

2005-10-20T13:17:00.000+13:00

...in which Winston Peters and Peter Dunne get a verbal "Hide-ing".

Mr Hide said he was not surprised Mr Peters and Mr Dunne had "sold out their votes".

"Winston Peters and Peter Dunne are now the castrated poodles of New Zealand politics."

A comment unrelated to "get a big black dog up ya", I guess!

Spooky sights of Spreydon under threat

2005-10-19T08:15:00.000+13:00

Shock announcement yesterday; the house at number XX Milton Street is up for sale!

Keen readers will remember that this house has some unique features, and members of this blog have been watching them with interest for some time now.

We wonder what will happen, but are reassured by the fact the said items are not included in the list of chatells with the house.

Not sure what they mean by "private views" however.

Comfy

The following employees have been terminated in the HR system:

2005-10-07T11:32:00.000+13:00

>>> 2005-10-07 5:34 a.m. >>>

This is an automatic message from the InfoCentre.

Oct 7 2005 5:34AM

The following employees have been terminated in the HR system:

Leader ID: 11
Employee Name: Gregory Comfort
Other System ID: A011
Worker Type: S
Position Account Code: 5295712111
Workplace: Lincoln
Designation: Marketing Support
Is Paid Employee: Yes

The Ballad of Don (Key) Brash

2005-09-09T17:56:00.000+12:00

I don’t know my own housing policies
I don’t know if I’ll save or chop down our trees
But I know I’m always polite to ladies
And, ehhhr, all other females.

Come to think of it, I’m not so sure
if I knew about the said Brochure
or all that other horse manure
cncerning those leaked emails.

You journos - you’re all union hacks
and Labour supporters. Your coverage smacks
of bias. Come now, Tax
is the real issue here, not these attacks
on National, Don Brash and all.
We’ll give you back your cash and all,
But take away your hospital.

I have a vision for this place:
New Zealand built on need, not race;
where Whiteys and Brownlees do embrace.

My manners are Victorian,
My wife is Singaporean.
I like corned beef sandwiches and tea
Sorry for the adultery
(and all those nuclear ships at sea).

Just another patch of wasted carbon molecules

2005-08-31T10:24:00.000+12:00

Heard Russell Brown on the radio yesterday say that he knows Roger Kerr is one of those people who can't read their own email and has to get someone to print out his emails for him to read.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Priceless.

Petrol price slides

2005-08-23T09:47:00.000+12:00

I don't want my public service cut Mr Kerr

2005-08-21T08:30:00.000+12:00

What the hell does Roger "I think I'm King Arthur" Kerr know about the public service?

I've just listened to him belting on in a radio programme about public spending, saying there are definitely areas for cost savings, and quoting percentages and numbers.

What? Do you measure everything in dollars Mr Kerr?

In fact, as the economy has grown in the last five years, public spending has reduced as a proportion. But the demands on services has increased.

Voters asked for more police and more people in jail, so we've got them - and that costs. September 11 meant we have to spend more on customs and that costs. Health services cost more and more as the population ages. Public focus on child abuse has meant more staff required to work in this area. People want to hear kiwi in the bush again, so we need field staff to achieve this.

In fact, you name the public service and you will find the public expectations and demands for it have increased.

And this is my point - you can't measure this only by simply looking at the amount of dollars being spent. Doing so is a typical accounting/economist way of looking at things.

What about looking at measures of quality? If there is X demand for a service, how effectively is the service being delivered? Is it working? Is it solving the problem or answering the need? Simply saying "let's save 5% here by firing a few people" is completely daft and so last century thinking.

One economist pointed out that National couldn't keep public spending under control when it was last in power, and can't see their policies to make things any different if they get in this time. I agree.

People from all areas of the public service are saying they do everything on the smell of an oily rag, and the staff are highly dedicated. I know many people who work in public service, and they are very dedicated and pride themselves on doing a good job. The only ones I see in our own Department wasting money are managers, and that doesn't seem much different to what I've seen going on in private business during my time there.

Personally, I've never seen the need for the Business Round Table. Everything they do and say seems completely self-serving, and only designed to help their members make more profits for their fat selves, mostly by convincing us things would be better if they owned public property and public entities, so they can sell back the service to us, at a great big profit.

Fornicate off Mr Kerr. You're a con man and why should I trust your word over the word of someone who works with children every day or sweeps our streets so the place looks tidy? What the hell do you really contribute to NZ, Mr Kerr? I bet you pay stuff-all tax, because you've got some trust setup or some shelf company or any one of a multitude of weasel techniques that so many rich bastards seem to use to minimise their tax payout.

No, we need to start measuring things sensibly. Quoting percentages, which is often a dodgey technique for hiding facts, is not good enough anymore Mr Kerr. Go and get some real facts and then come back to us. Say, in fifty years.

Bribe the electorate - abso-bloody-lutely!

2005-08-19T10:40:00.000+12:00

Are Labour bribing us to vote? I bloody hope so.

For some reason NZers have become like the Aussies did in their last election, and will probably vote with their wallets in mind more than ever this time around.

And should Labour feel guilty about this? No way.

If the electorate is too thick to address issues properly and not bother listening to the mumbled low-hype of Dr Cullen, then Labour has no choice.

Whatever one may feel about National becoming government again, now is not the time. Don "what the hell is my policy on that again?" Brash winning this election would be like Bush winning in the US last time - a disaster. Brash is no Jenny Shipley. Think what you like about her, she at least had some idea of what she wanted to achieve and inspired people to follow her. She was a leader and understood the need for a leader to have a clear plan that they could communicate to everyone.

We have no idea what Don really thinks about too many issues, and in fact there are many saying his real ideas towards the poor, women, and culture would scare most people, and make NZ become like Indonesia or Malaysia.

No, National needs to get its act together (no pun intended) and find some real leadership in its ranks. The last few years of Labour has shown we need a far more effective and principled opposition. Voters need to see what real alternatives there are to a Labour-led government, or otherwise, they may as well vote for the benefit of their wallets.

Comfy

No Nukes: No Way

2005-08-17T12:42:00.000+12:00

Listen up Mr Brash, Mr Bush (ever notice how similar those two names seem?), Ms Clark, Mr Bolger and anybody else in a position to make decisions on behalf of our country.

No Nukes, No Way

Got that?
On the radio I heard David Lange's Oxford Union speech from 1985, his arguments are still valid 20 years on.
We don't need nukes in the South Pacific.

The US has just invited New Zealand to participate in an exercise based upon intercepting ships carrying weapons of mass destruction.
Hello? That's our point, stupid.

We're not anti US.
We're prepared to pull our puny weight in world defence and security issues.
We will willingly fulfill any obligations to any treaties, defence or otherwise.
We just don't need nukes to do it.

Fact: Nuclear propelled ships are banned from New York's harbour
Fact: The US has a "neither confirm nor Deny" policy pertaining to the presence of nuclear weapons aboard it's ships.
If you don't fess up, you can't come in!

You heard it here first.....

2005-08-16T15:14:00.000+12:00

From the "Inventions that need to be invented" Employee Care file:

Are you a woman required to attend corporate award ceremonies?
Paypacket not keeping pace with the requisite glitzy and glamourous attire required, but not accounted for through a clothing allowance?

Why can't someone invent a standard-issue "Corporate Sparkly Frock": sequinned or just sumptuous evening gowns in company colours (in our case moss green), with company logo detail worked into the design, either on fabric or jewellery such as brooches. Workplaces could keep a range of sizes, with accompanying shoes, shawls and accessories, for staff to use as needed.

Perhaps an accompanying range of bow ties and tuxedos for men?

So much cheaper and more sustainable - and removes all the anxiety behind wondering what to wear!

Only at "The Company"

2005-08-12T14:55:00.000+12:00

Working at a science research agency (as we fuelfools do), some pretty strange emails do the rounds. For example, a recent one asked for ingredients for 'scintillation cocktail'.

Here's another, just today.

Hello
---------- and myself are looking for some nice solid trees to practise our tree climbing on prior to heading into the field.

If you have any nice big trees we could climb for practise please let me know,

Trees won't be harmed - we promise.

Thank you

"Earth to Australia, come in Australia....."

2005-08-10T12:02:00.000+12:00

Referring to map daddy's post, July 13: "Google maps great to look at, but where to now?"

It seems our worthy Trans-Tasman neighbours have concerns about Google Earth, the internet satellite programme that lets users zoom in on almost any building anywhere.

The head of Australia's Nuclear Energy Agency is calling for changes, including censoring Sydney's Lucas Heights reactor. Google Earth currently shows the layout of the buildings and carpark.

Google Earth censors the White House and other key US buildings, but not Australian ones, apparently. Come on guys, just cos they're down under, it doesn't mean Australians aren't sensitive, or have sensitive (censor-tive?) security concerns. At least they could censor the carpark, it would help if potential saboteurs were made to park down the street.

By the way, for a bit of fun I recommend checking out Baghdad and Tehran. Lots of intriguing buildings in those cities.

Also, I am keen to have my house in Christchurch censored from Google Earth so zealots and door-to-door salespeople can't find it (let alone ex-boyfriends.) Any hints?

Yo, Po!

2005-08-09T14:43:00.000+12:00

Here’s calling your attention to our new link to Pohangina Pete. Pete is a photographer, philosopher, poet, bon-vivant (!), bushman, climber, and colleague (formerly). He’s a scientist, a some-time editor… the list goes on. Pete’s blog has just moved house from xanga. Be sure to drop by, he’ll have the kettle on for ya.

Hasta la Vista, Bunny

2005-08-09T13:59:00.000+12:00

And now, wordgirl returns after a long absence, with a rural news flash from NZPA. Word up!

Farmers are lapping up a new exploding rabbit-killing device, the Rodenator.

The underground gas exploder has been used to kill gophers, prairie dogs, squirrels and rats in the United States.

Now it is being put to use on New Zealand rabbits.

Meyer Industries' Ed Meyer promoted the device at the Mystery Creek agricultural expo recently, and says it kills quickly and humanely. A video clip of the Rodenator in use proved popular.

"The guys here just love it. They want to see the rabbits flying out of the hole, but unfortunately, everything stays in the ground."

UN-fortunately??!!!

The Hoff strikes again

2005-08-03T15:13:00.000+12:00

Kindly submitted to FuelFools on behalf of Auntay.

Notes from the front line

2005-07-15T11:30:00.000+12:00

Posted on behalf of Mrs M.

First hour in Indiana . . .

The plane is descending and for the first time in the entire flight to Indiana, the woman next to me says, “Are you coming home or are you on vacation?” Mike and I say we are just moving to Indiana from New Zealand.

“Wooooooooooowwwwww. New Zealand!” she says, and I think, “Either this lady is a real innocent, and has no idea where it is, or she smoked way too much dope in the 60s.” Turns out it’s probably the former. “My church has some missionaries in New Zealand,” she continued. “I’ve heard it’s REAL beautiful.” Figures. Watch out, heathens!

We land and I send Mike out to book the shuttle to Lafayette from Indianapolis, while I load the luggage. When I arrive to load our suitcases, the late-20s, gum-snapping, female driver starts in:

Driver: “Where are you moving from? New Zealand? Why would you move from New Zealand? I hate Indiana. I just moved here from Florida, and I hate it. My dad had a heart attack, so I had to move up here to take care of him.”

Me, thinking: I’ve just traveled 30 hours to get here, with very little sleep. I don’t know you. I don’t care.

Driver: “The clubs in Lafayette are terrible. I just went out for the first time at this club called the Vogue in Indianapolis. You know, it’s in this area called Broad Ripple?”

Me, thinking: I know where it is! I lived in Indianapolis for a year and a half!

Driver: “Anyway, I had a great time, and it reminded me more of the clubs where I’m from in Tampa.”

Me, thinking: If the Vogue is like Tampa, then Tampa must suck.

Driver: Anyway, there’s this cool area in Tampa called Ybor City. It’s like this old historial district . . .

Me, thinking, nodding: Yes, I know, I’ve been to Ybor City. It was formerly a Cuban neighborhood, and you can still buy hand-rolled cigars there.

Driver: I used to be a driver there, but the car I drove there was much cooler than these vans. It was a . . . (insert a 60-second run down of a boy racer limo/pimp car with all the right features including big speakers, TV, drinks fridge, etc., which she reeled off like a real pro).

Keep in mind that at this point I still haven’t spoken yet. I’m nodding and uh-huhing, but if this girl doesn’t come up for air soon, she’s probably going to die.

Thankfully, the van finally pulls away, and she turns the music up. I turn to Mike and ask, “Does ‘shut the fuck up’ come to mind?” So many painful details revealed at top speed in about 5 minutes. I can tell I’ve been living in a Commonwealth country, as I don’t just find her a bit odd and annoying – I am MORTIFIED for her.

The saga continues about 15 minutes into the 75-minute drive. The driver starts shrieking for us to watch the back window, she needs to pull over! I think the sun must be hitting the mirror, so tell Mike to cross the van aisle and see if it’s clear to change lanes. Meanwhile, the hysterical driver continues to scream about the back window, until we finally see it flap a little bit. I ask her, “Is the window supposed to be shut? Is that what you want us to do with the window?” thinking all the while, Jesus, lady, calm down and communicate clearly what the problem is!

Turns out it was an emergency exit window, and since it was loose at the bottom, she was afraid it was going to fall out on the highway (a.k.a. motorway) and cause an accident. The bolts on the thing were loose, so after 2 episodes of this shrieking/re-latching the windows, I cross the aisle, sit in the back seat of the van, and HOLD THE DAMN EMERGENCY WINDOW SHUT for the hour drive to Lafayette.

Needless to say, I didn’t tip her.

And that, my dear friends, was my first two hours in Indiana. Not too promising, but seriously, it’s mostly been fine. There’s a great new beer on at the Lafayette Brewing Company called “Common Ale” – light, hoppy, and refreshing, though Mike’s probably got a different favourite. Our friend Peter has a great place to stay, with friends coming and going, impromptu barbeques, and so on, so we’ve been very comfortable and not feeling too displaced. It’s hot – damn hot, with temperatures from about 25-30 every day, and very sticky; humidity is high. I’m not going to complain, but you definitely remember what it’s like to sweat while just sitting around.

We found a great apartment in downtown Lafayette with tall ceilings and an old-school buzzer system. It’s on the second floor above an artist’s collective. We’ll send you the address/phone no. when we move at the beginning of August – visitors welcome! Mike started his job yesterday, and me, I’m just doing paperwork for the moment.

Also found time to rent a car and go up to Chicago last weekend – no time like the present. Stayed in Wrigleyville near Wrigley Stadium and my friend Dave’s condo; very convenient for walking around. Found a great guy who runs a tiny shop filled with barrels of coffee beans from all over the world, and will definitely stock up there. Also a grocery store called “Treasure Island”, which claims it is “The Most European Grocery Store in the USA”. Might be a little overblown, but again, a great place to stock up once we have a pantry – kind of similar to the Mediterranean Warehouse on Tuam. Had dinner at “The Hop Leaf”, with about 150 beers available. (Guess who Dave had in mind when he picked the place? Hint: Wasn’t me.) We also got a photo of a church sign with a great quote, and will send that little piece of Americana along as soon as we can download photos again.

Well, that’s it for now, but just wanted to say hello to all of you in New Zealand, thanks for all the help and good times upon our departure, and that you are missed.

Love,

Stacey

Google Maps- great to look at, but where to now?

2005-07-13T00:50:00.000+12:00

The hot new app from Google is Google Maps and its more recent offering Google Earth. Maps and satellite images are available in some detail for North America and Great Britain. Low res Satellite imagery appears available for most of the rest of the world.

Well that's one view of our planet, an Americentric view to be sure and admittedly a beta one at that. It does look great. The Google offering certainly seems to have more direction and purpose than Microsoft's vision of the same thing MapPoint, not to mention NASA's answer to 3D views of the earth WorldWind.

Does it have any real application though? Driving directions are all very well, but a satellite view of the route ain't gonna help me drive anywhere. There are already some interesting hacks, ones that really do work. Take for instance the Housing Map hack, a combination of Google Maps and Craig's List. This could really help me to find a house to buy in b*mf*%k Idaho. It would certainly be an improvement on the crap websites that real estate companies in New Zealand have on offer!

Mapping for the masses? Maybe - we still have to see if Google Maps outlives the Beta version. Professional map users are looking on with interest at this sudden expansion into what was until recently inhabited by a select few software producers. It all makes ArcGlobe look a bit overhyped, ESRI must be wondering why they bothered.

People have certainly picked up Google Maps and run with it in a very short space of time. There's even a Blog devoted entirely to Google Map hacks. Now, about that holiday to Brisbane.............

Thoughts of London

2005-07-08T13:34:00.000+12:00

Kia Kaha brothers
we're thinking of you

Au revoir friends

2005-07-04T20:35:00.000+12:00

Mike and Stacey flew out today for Indie.
I couldn't bear to see them off, too many goodbye's are surely not a good thing.
In your time here in New Zealand you've touched many people. You'll both be sorely missed by all of us, especially the fuelfools.
So how 'bout it, be our foreign correspondent.

Hei konei ra

p.s. I hear they've stopped brewing Big John in anticpation of the decline in custom.

there is no crime in the alley cat

2005-07-04T09:08:00.000+12:00

Whilst surfing the web the other day I came across a small rural communities website in Japan.
The english was so bad but this one on rabies really took the cake.

As for register and preventive injection of love dog not forgetting
When with rabies preventive method, the pet dog is 91 day or more the after the raw, the register of one time and, every year the rabies preventive injection of 1 time is required of life.

In town, acceptance of the rabies preventive injection and the register is done with following schedule.Rabies preventive injection Injection fee of the gathering injection is 2800 Yen (injection end vote delivery).By circumstances, when it is not received to this period, please receive injection at such as animal hospital.In addition this year, we have already received the rabies preventive injection, as for the one where delivery procedure of injection end vote is not received, the injection end certificate, injection end vote delivery commission 550 Yen and in addition to you have the seal, procedure please do in the hygienic welfare section. By all means please make sure to receive the delivery of rabies preventive injection end vote.Register of dog Registration fee is 3000 Yen (license delivery) concerning a head. The one which is not registered yet, in addition to you have the seal, please register in the hygienic welfare section window.Modification of register When there is modification of address * name of the owner and the death of the pet dog, in addition to you have the seal in the hygienic welfare section, please notify.

Dog * cat birth control
Recently, when the puppy and the kitten are born, it has become difficult to find the new owner. Because unhappy pet such as dog and the cat which you cannot raise is not increased, the puppy and the kitten being born, you cannot raise, the one that will make sterile operation receive on responsibility of the owner it is not the recipient.Concerning the alley cat As for giving the feed to the alley cat, the number of alley cats increases to neighborhood, it is connected to damage concentrating. " Pitiful " " there is no crime in the alley cat ", saying, there are no times when it gives the feed irresponsibly the sea urchin please do. To neighborhood there are times when it becomes annoyance.Manner of walking The dog will try to walk connecting with the クサリ, and the ヒモ. The owner will try the droppings of the dog to process with responsibility.

no more bedtime stories ....

2005-07-01T10:42:00.000+12:00

Heard of DRM (digital rights management)?
Came across the following DRM rights for an e-book recently:
DRM Rights:

Copy unlimited selections every unlimited day(s)
Print unlimited pages every unlimited day(s)
Never expires

ok, so that makes sense, right?
But wait, that's not all folks....included in the list is....

Reading aloud allowed

What the .....?

Excited scientist

2005-06-30T13:25:00.000+12:00

Well, it's always great to see what gets scientist's excited.
In this case, I can see why. It would be great to have one of these around the house, or maybe a spare at the office.
What do you think, could we get Agresearch to loan us one to try out?
I have velcro gloves if anybody needs to borrow them.

Tales from the Orient

2005-06-27T14:22:00.000+12:00

Well fellow fuellers after a months absence and fogotten passwords I herewith write my first blog.
My recent trip to the East provided me with enough material to give the Janglish website a run for its money.

Highs
Fully heated toilet seat with full bidet, front bottom and ass hairdyer functions (I thought of my fellow Lincolnites toiling away with their asses frozen in the corporate cubicle).

A Tv show about a man who hadn't cleaned his belly button for 50 years and had to go to AE to get what was described as a black bean from his navel

So long Mike, you loser

2005-06-17T13:57:00.000+12:00

What great news last weekend, to hear the overlong boxing career of Mike "the biter" Tyson is finally over. Hoo-bloody-ray!

And good on Kev McBride for smacking Mike onto his arse at the end of the bout. Nice one.

The guy was a cheat and a rapist. What's more, he even tried to cheat during the McBride fight, using head-butts and other dirty tactics.

Worried that I might be alone in this opinion, I did a Google search, and the first item to appear was "Mike Tyson won't be missed" on the FoxSports site. Haha. Excellent article too.

I'm with Dave Wilcox when he says, "good riddance Mike Tyson"!

Watch that girl

2005-06-17T12:05:00.000+12:00

We're seeing the establishing of WiFi services in metropolitan NZ, and simple applications are emerging on the market for this technology. The next big thing has gotta be location aware services combined with smart textiles.

This snazzy new product certainly fits the bill, get 'em while they're hot (ouch) forgetmenotpanties

I might invest in a pair for my daughter in a few years, though the ole fashioned shotgun still takes a lot of beating.

That would have to be one charming mother*****g map

2005-06-16T12:09:00.000+12:00

Well for a mere million dollars US I could've got me the first known map of the Americas.
Mind you that'd be a snip compared to the price that the library of congress paid for a bigger version of the same thing, read on map fans.................
http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/06/08/america.map/index.html

What would New Zealand pay for a similar depiction of our fair isles? The name Nieuw Zeeland first appeared on maps around 1845, here's some more info: http://www.mapforum.com/09/9nz.htm

Cheers

No one told me!

2005-06-08T13:14:00.000+12:00

Oh, bloody hell. Dave Allen died in March. Nobody told me!

Dave Allen is one of those memories from your childhood that form who you are. Probably explains why I like whisky. I remember watching him on the tele, which means his show must have been shown before my bedtime.

I also remember long rambling jokes, some of which I didn't get, or didn't want to appear to get in front of my parents. There seemed to be a lot of stuff about the Pope too. Funny sketches with the Pope being carried around on a litter or sedia gestatoria through rivers, traffic, small towns, etc.

Screenonline seem to have the best summary about him. I love his comment about potential complaints over his sending up of the Church. "I get more letters about scratching my head or sitting sideways in my chair!"

Must try to find some videos of the guy.

Did you know he was a painter too?

Oops, where did May go?

2005-06-07T10:33:00.000+12:00

My god, a whole month has elapsed since our last post.
The latest crisis in the map room has subsided leaving the mapguy with a huge list of chores to wade through, including updating this blog.

Events in May that have gone unheralded include the mapguys birthday about 10 days ago. The horrible truth of being fortymumble mumble something... was offset by Mrs (Ms actually, but lets not get bogged down in the semantics of the mapguys marital status) Mapguy producing a superbly framed copy of a 1956 map of the Tararua mountain system that was owned by my dad.

Superb cartography on this old map includes subtle use of three colours and a beautiful title framed by scrolls and a tramper and climber. The map was produced before contours were available for all of New Zealand, so uses other devices to show topography. An unusual feature of this map is that it shows campsites which even today is useful beta when travelling the Tararua ranges. I'll post a photo if i can get a decent one through the glass.

Also in may it was baby mapgirls first birthday, wow a whole year has elapsed since those words "It's a girl". I still forget to breathe when I look at her.

The Straitjacket Still Fits…..

2005-05-09T13:20:00.000+12:00

… even though it now has to stretch over a few middle-aged paunches!

Here’s fuelfools’ first concert review, hopefully the first of many.

A rather elderly crowd packed Christchurch’s Civic Theatre on Friday night to see the iconic Kiwi band the Fits play, probably for the last time, on their one-off reunion tour. Mapguy, wordgirl, and soon to be Foreign Correspondent, Stacey, were among the more youthful audience members. I discovered that although age does not weary concert-goers, it does render them more polite, and altogether too sane for said Straitjackets. No pushing, no shoving, no moshing, no vomiting… this allowed me to stroll easily to the front by the stage to hear the classic “She Speeds”. And it didn’t even burst my eardrums!

Carter and Co. played a tight set, belting out favourites such as “Missing, Presumed Drowned,” and “Dialling a Prayer” with practised aplomb. Great to see Shayne Carter looking relatively well-fed for a musician. A relatively short set – the band admitted they hadn’t learned any more songs! And Andrew Brough… Andrew who? Apart from one snide comment from Shayne, he was barely remembered.

A great night of nostalgia and a chance to once more be charmed by our old heroes. It’s onwards, upwards and off in a different direction for Shayne with Dimmer… you’ve got to hear the music.

World pinhole camera day

2005-05-04T08:55:00.000+12:00

The best laid plans of mice and men...............
The mapdudes attempts to participate in world pinhole camera day were an utter flop.
My fiendish plan to build a pinhole camera was proved, the light was right, the subject was perfect for pinhole shots. But alas, no useable shots were taken, bummer.

World pinhole camera day 24 April 2005, check the gallery http://www.pinholeday.org/

Spooky Sights of Spreydon

2005-04-22T13:18:00.000+12:00

The House of Slime

There is
a house
in Milton Street.

They call
the House of Slime.

And it's been
the subject
of many a tale,
in the car pool
driving by.

(With apologies to The Animals)

Ffffaa fark sake! What is going on at number xx Milton Street? We don't know, but that hasn't stopped us having a few theories over the years.

It all started when mapguy came to work at The Department. Others had driven by for ages and had not noticed, but mapguy did. Something odd in the window of one of the houses on Milton Street. Something slimey and strangely disconcerting, yet reassuring in its reliability. Check this out.

Can you see them? No?

Look a closer look.

Yep. Those are ceramic snails. They face the same way all the time, but they are removed at night and put back again sometime after 8am each morning. Weekend's no exception.

What the bjesus is that about? We have theories alright.

It's a sign to the householder's lover that their spouse is away.
It's a sign to say the latest batch of crack is available.
The householder likes snails.
The householder is madder than Mad Jack McMad, winner of last year's Mr Madman Competition.
None of the above.

Tell us what you think might be going on? Beats us.

Comfy

Not the “Gewurzt” job in the world…

2005-04-21T13:29:00.000+12:00

Now I hesitate to post this lest I appear disrespectful, but when Pope Benedict XVI said in his first address he’d be a humble worker in God’s vineyard, I was intrigued. As a native German speaker, does he wish to generate a resurgence in the much-maligned Muller Thurgau variety? Is he partial to a bit of "Blue Nun"? Has the communion wine gone downhill a bit lately? Is this just a biblical reference, a figure of speech… or will his papal mission lead him to NZ’s Mission Estate?

As well as being a keen oenologist, the pope moonlights as editor of God’s newsroom, but don’t worry, there are plenty of jobs available for the rest of us. There’s still God’s hospitals, factories, auto sales, real estate…

Comfort to sue

2005-04-21T11:46:00.000+12:00

What the fark does this tosser selling his hugs, think he is doing using my name? Comfort Hugs indeed!

Good on the person selling a Therapeutic Slap as an antidote to Comfort Hugs. I may bid myself, and then get Hugger Middleton to be the lucky recipient. Actually, I just did. And I'm the only bidder!

Comfy

Da Bing's da thing

2005-04-19T13:24:00.000+12:00

Gentle reader, on perusing this blog, you may wonder: "Where the #$%* is ‘Bingsland’?"

Bingsland is the old name for the Christchurch suburb of Richmond, home of mapguy, and just round the corner, yours truly. Bingsland is enroute from Comfyboy.

Hence the expression ‘Bingsland Express’ (carpool route through Bingsland). Also, ‘Bingsland bling’. In choosing to live in Bingsland, residents display obvious good taste and wealth. In mapguy’s case, this often takes the form of jewelry, and of course, his super pimped-up ride.

Bingsland was so named after Hungarian military man and stock dealer Morice BING, who was naturalised in NZ in 1871. Morice (even the first name is cool) bought land north of the Avon near Stanmore Rd, and sold off parts for building sites. After his death in 1878, the historic and attractive name ‘Bingsland’ was dumped for the royal sounding ‘Richmond’.

I say, ‘Bring Back the Bing’ and give Richmond that old zing. After all, I’m sick of my mail being re-routed to Richmond in Nelson.

What do you reckon?

Two for Tuesday

2005-04-19T08:44:00.000+12:00

Two Ha!
That's two people we got to toot at while they were putting out their rubbish this morning. Both wearing bathrobes at the civilised hour of 8:15 am. It made my day and I'm sure it'll make theirs.

A truly significant historical map is up for auction. Published in 1507, it pre dates anything similar by a century. The map by Martin Waldseemullar is the first map to show the earth as a globe, first to show the Americas as two continents and the first to use the modern name America, after Italian explorer Amerigo Verspucci. Radical!
http://tvnz.co.nz/view/news_world_story_skin/499240?format=html
Get me an order form, a steal at 2 million $US

Speaking of maps, it's about time the Japanese took a look at a map and realised that the worlds whales ain't theirs to kill. The japanese whaling industry is about to present a proposal to the IWC to double their present "harvest" of 440 minke whales and to start killing two more species as well. check http://www.greenpeace.org/international/news/japan-doubles-whale-quota for a rundown on their latest dirty plan.
For a bit of balance you may like to check the Japanese whaling industries own propaganda at http://www.whaling.jp/english/

Maybe we should rustle up some science that makes us a 50 million dollar profit, Kiwi for dinner anybody? It's traditional ya know.

Totalitarian Car Pool

2005-04-15T15:18:00.000+12:00

This inspirational list is from the http://www.energywise.co.nz/ website - putting the 'eek' into EECA.

Tips for Happy Ridesharing

1. Be flexible in your arrangements. Make them work for everyone. You can arrange to rideshare or carpool one day a week or fortnight if that suits.

2. Set some ground rules such as:
Radio on or off - what station(s), Smoking or no smoking, Conversation or not, Mobile phones, Passengers reading or doing paperwork

3. Make arrangements for sick days, leave or emergencies.

4. Be on time, whether driving or being picked up. If you can't make it, call in PLENTY of time for others in the car-pool to make other arrangements.

5. If you are driving, make sure you have plenty of fuel in the tank and that your car is running well and is clean. No one wants extra stops on the way.

6. Don't make or request detours, e.g. for the morning paper or other errands.

7. Be considerate when it comes to your own habits and tolerant of others.

8. Come to an agreement in advance about sharing the responsibility of driving or for sharing fuel and parking costs.

9. Your car insurance cover is not affected by car-pooling.

10. Importantly if you are driving, drive safely. You are responsible for the lives of others.

FuelFools launch outta Bingsland

2005-04-15T15:17:00.000+12:00

Wotcha! The FuelFools blog is live and steering its way outta Bingsland, heading for cyberspace.

Do you really want one of those boring introduction posts, trying to explain why this blog exists?! Eh? Well, do ya?!

Well, you ain't gonna get one. We started this blog 'cos we wanted to.

We, the car pool of Bingsland, release on the world our thoughts, machinations, and ideas. Take it. Or leave it.

Comfy